Damn. Its already 3.45 am n im still not sleepy yet, eyebags la ni. Babz tul. I hate it when im like this n da fact dat i got a long of classes n dance practice makes it even suckier. Definitely will be dead tired later.
Anyhooo...
Raya was good, small but really nice. It actually meant more like this when its small. U bond more with ur family. We prayed,cooked,laughed,joked around n talked but....
I hate the fact that u werent there with us, that the only thing i get out of raya from u was just a phone call. I hate the fact that im feeling this way. Sometimes i wish that things were better like before...like before the year 2000 when we were all close n things were not messed up. Hate the fact that i kept it all to my bloody self, hated those embarassing moments, hated breaking down in front of da bf for no reason n not telling him (must av looked like some psycho biatch), hated those nights of screaming n all dat. I hate it so bloody much.
But the thing that i hate the most is that i still miss u so very much even after all that has happen n is still happening.
If i could, i wanted u to be there for raya. But thats not going to happen ryte...
I cant imagine how my wedding will be...fcuk it la....
Ok ok. No more emo. The moment has passed. I've learned that even tho it bloody hurts inside n it actually makes it worse, but its better for everyone else if i just accept the fact that ppl need me to be strong n to just keep smiling so that no one knows the truth...
My own dirty little secret.....
Sunday, October 5, 2008
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