Damn. Its already 3.45 am n im still not sleepy yet, eyebags la ni. Babz tul. I hate it when im like this n da fact dat i got a long of classes n dance practice makes it even suckier. Definitely will be dead tired later.
Anyhooo...
Raya was good, small but really nice. It actually meant more like this when its small. U bond more with ur family. We prayed,cooked,laughed,joked around n talked but....
I hate the fact that u werent there with us, that the only thing i get out of raya from u was just a phone call. I hate the fact that im feeling this way. Sometimes i wish that things were better like before...like before the year 2000 when we were all close n things were not messed up. Hate the fact that i kept it all to my bloody self, hated those embarassing moments, hated breaking down in front of da bf for no reason n not telling him (must av looked like some psycho biatch), hated those nights of screaming n all dat. I hate it so bloody much.
But the thing that i hate the most is that i still miss u so very much even after all that has happen n is still happening.
If i could, i wanted u to be there for raya. But thats not going to happen ryte...
I cant imagine how my wedding will be...fcuk it la....
Ok ok. No more emo. The moment has passed. I've learned that even tho it bloody hurts inside n it actually makes it worse, but its better for everyone else if i just accept the fact that ppl need me to be strong n to just keep smiling so that no one knows the truth...
My own dirty little secret.....
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2 comments:
my dear sofiiiee =)
happy rayaaaa!!
i din wish u yet la kan T.T
hmm no one at all?
i mean bout the knowing the truth part~
darling, jan smpai pecah ja la ur bottle utk simpan2 benda =/
sofie!
=) its okay to be a little weak sometimes. I dont want you to eat yourself up with that little fact you are trying to keep from others.
but you know...
we're here for you...
let it be our turn to be strong for you in your weakest moment.
although its not gonna be the after school hang out sessions or the under-the-blanket conversations we used to have in ur house but we are a phone call away darling... =)
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